You're 30??!!

It has been a long time, once again since my last contribution.

To comment on the previous posting, the situation is still a work in progress. You've got to wean gradually from that type of environment. It's not over night, a week, a month, or even a year....it takes a lot of repetitious efforts to finally edge into a new space in your life.  This is true for all who come from very close families...those who don't will NEVER understand this.  My husband, after 3.5 years of marriage tries to pry me from people pleasing...and make my own decisions.  Easier said than done my friend...

Our Child - Apple

So, I'm 30 years old.  Kind of a crazy number to comprehend; I find myself often wondering if there are certain things I shouldn't say or wear or do now that I've hit the 30s.  I'm an Engineer by day, and often a working shlub (working on work after hours) and/or a total inert vegetable on my couch, with my dog (my child) and sometimes my husbands there...when he isn't play basketball or golf with his friends.  Most people ask me, "So...when are you guys gonna have babies?"  I honestly can say a few things when the question is posed....so here is the listing of thoughts (what a frickin' engineer...):


1) I'm only 30, I still have some good years before I need to seriously think about it....
2) I'm, we are not ready yet...so we're both just not ready..we're on the  same page...this is a good thing you know?!
3) I feel a little too young for that level of commitment...life change...
4) According to my OBGYN he hasn't had unhealthy deliveries in his 40+year olds...mainly birth issues are from his younger couples...
5) I barely find time for myself as it is...then I'm going to add another layer of complexity to my life?!
6) People say, "You're never ready."  So why are we moving forward?  I get the concept of competitive risks often yield competitive gains on a business front. Going along this track, you must first be open to take a risk in order to attain an amazing change in your life or career.  I think getting married is a risk.  I love my husband, and it was definitely a great risk I took, that we took..but he doesn't need me to wipe him after he goes to the bathroom, or feed him multiple times a day, or teaching him to walk, talk, learn, have manners...

Maybe, as I sit on this for bit I'm not truly ready for a, "Baby"commitment because I know I couldn't give 100% of myself to it.  whenever I commit myself to something, I give it my all.  I don't want to fail my hypothetical child...I want to be the best Mom..and I want my partner to be ready for that commitment too. Even if I were ready, a baby wouldn't just change my life, it would change our entire way of life as a couple. We just aren't there yet.....